Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
