I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I have fence marks all over my body
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
