Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
