How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
