Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
