just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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