wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
there's paper in my vomit.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I party with great urgency now.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
