forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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