i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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