I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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