she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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