I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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