oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
My cat gives me a boner
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
