My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
