i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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