so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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