It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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