So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
