Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
