i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
