We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
