dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
What drink are we having for lunch?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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