best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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