He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize