she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
