You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
