You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
