I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
there is puke in my bra ... again
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