I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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