Welp...herpes.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
