he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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