Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
