i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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