She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
