like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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