I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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