My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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