I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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