I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
