How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
