Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
