I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
