I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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