Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
