some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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