and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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