What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
