Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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