VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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