he puts the penis in happiness.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Pants are for mortals
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
