I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
