hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
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