did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
