So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
