i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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