Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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