Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
