I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
