Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just found puke in my bra..
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
