I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
