she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
