were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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