I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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