and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
