Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
