maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
