its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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