Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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