real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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